Passion, the journey, and realization
First, I would like to mention that I've added a new song to the website titled "FLAMING JUSTICE, BURN ON!!". Now let's get on to the rest.
I forgot to update on the exact date, but January 22nd, 2023 was my 18th birthday. That was my first day of adulthood. It's certainly interesting.
I'm not exactly entirely sure how to feel about it right now. Sometimes, I feel like I've wasted my childhood. Growing up, I was always treated as an 'adult,' and my father always pulled me away from places that he deemed were a detriment to my 'intelligence' as he believed that I was way too smart to hang out with what he referred to as 'idiots,' when I barely knew how to tie my shoes.
I never had a proper chance to be a 'kid.' I wasn't allowed to play outside, hang out with kids my age, or even go to school up until the divorce; The divorce which frankly, I'm more than happy about.
I grew up kind of isolated from society. My father "homeschooled me" (which really means, he put me in front of a computer and let me do what I want) and to be honest with you, I spent most of my childhood hanging out on places like ROBLOX, Scratch and deviantART; the latter being the one I hold the fondest memories of.
I'll be honest. I wasn't an amazing person back then, but who was? All of us have past behaviors we're not proud of. In the end, it's best to move on; Love yourself, forgive yourself and give yourself the ability to move forward in life.
I've seen a lot of people come and go over the years, some of which I wonder if they're still as passionate, creative or artistic as they once were. Or even if they're still alive?
Do you think they still draw? Write fanfiction? Develop games, or write music? Maybe they've moved onto writing original stories, publishing books, drawing for anime or cartoons, working with big-name video game companies or even selling albums?
These are things I'll probably, realistically and unfortunately, never know. It sucks, it really does. And I would be lying if I said I didn't miss those creative people I once interacted with. I can't help but miss the friends I had, the people I met, and the communities I hung out in.
But still, although I'll likely never cross paths with them again, I still think about them. I wonder if they think about me sometimes? And most of all, I hope they're doing well in life. I hope they've been able to achieve their wildest dreams.
I know I've had tons of wild dreams growing up. I wanted to create video games. Then, I wanted to write music. I didn't have the means to do these things, and my father failed at teaching me how to write music.
On and off over the years, I would try to create. I would play guitar on-and-off and ended up giving up. I would try different programs; Game Maker, Clickteam Fusion, and when I got into music I tried this program called Aria Maestosa to learn MIDI composition. I struggled. I struggled hard, until I eventually gave that up. I picked up guitar a couple years after at the age of 11, I wasn't very good at all. I would post audio files of myself learning Nirvana, Green Day and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya songs online, all terrible. I would always get constant negative feedback as well, but even having to deal with that, I never gave up.
It was... a long struggle, for sure. I'm still learning new things on guitar even to this day. As for game development, I picked up Enterbrain's RPG Maker VX Ace. I've been doing well at that I'd say, even if I'm struggling to finalize a lot of my projects.
Anyway; eventually, I picked up FL Studio in 2015. I was awful. Oh MAN I was awful. A lot of what I had made were just bad MIDI-slaps and slight adjustments to music from the Sonic series. It wasn't until 2019 where I started taking it seriously.
I started studying the music I listened to. The intricacies and nuances of the bands I loved. Anime/video game music, pop/rock, even punk! I started trying my best to compose music as much as I could. If something appeared in my mind, I'd put my ideas down in FL Studio and go from there. I didn't really think about it at the time, I just wanted to create art I was proud of.
I won't lie and say that my music from those years ago was amazing... because it wasn't. It was quite bad, actually. But I still wanted to create, either way. Later that year, I got hired for a video game project. It was my first time doing something like that, and I was greatly inexperienced but I was happy to be working on it. Unfortunately, nothing ever really came out of it. But it was a great learning experience for me and after that, music became my full-time priority.
I spent a lot of time learning not only composition, but mixing and mastering as I wanted to make my music perfect. I had recently (in February of 2022) gotten hired for an anime visual novel game that is still in-development, and that was when I realized I wanted to write VGM for the rest of my life, and later that year I started this small little website to promote my work.
But... despite all of this, I find myself yearning for the days I had before. The friends I've made and lost contact with, the communities and forums that have since all died.
Even with that, I've come to realize something... My whole life had been leading up to this point right now. The me that I am today, the Mori that I am proud of.
I used to think that my younger self would see me and probably scoff, looking at me in disgust. I had so many aspirations, so many dreams and yet I didn't have the ability to fully realize them. But as soon as I had the ability, I felt lazy, unaccomplished and pathetic.
But now, I've finally done it. I've reached for the stars. I've found my own way. I'm writing music for video games, I'm doing what I've wanted to my whole life; I've made it. And yet, I still have a long way to go.
This post has turned into a ton of rambling, haha sorry.. ^^' But I've wanted to post something like this for a long time. And honestly? I don't know how to end it. There's so much more I have to say, but I don't want to destroy the formatting of my website by making it too long. I guess the last thing I have to say to you, the reader, would be to... Reach for the stars. Believe in not only yourself, but the people around you that believe in you. Chase your dreams. Don't let the low-life parasites trying to push you down crush your spirit, and don't let any regrets you may have pull you away from doing what you love.
I leave you with this quote from one of my biggest inspirations, Mr. Monty Oum.
I believe that the human spirit is indomitable. If you endeavor to achieve, it will happen given enough resolve. It may not be immediate, and often your greater dreams is something you will not achieve within your own lifetime. The effort you put forth to anything transcends yourself, for there is no futility even in death.
Finally, I owe it all to my friends, my family, the love of my life. And of course, God and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. God bless.
-Mori, January 30 2023